Finding Strength in Your Friends
by Deliwiel
Summary: This is a tag for the season finale of MacGyver, so don't read until you've seen it! Basically just a small tag focusing on Riley and her reactions to the events that took place in the episode. Rated K for mentions of blood.


_**DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FINALE. THERE ARE SPOILERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**_

 ** _Okay, I'm gonna save my thoughts on the episode until the end of the story, but I just had to get this tag out here, otherwise it was going to eat me alive. So here you go. Thoughts are in the bottom AN :)_**

 ** _Okay, this is one of my first shots at a Riley-centric fic, though I do have a multi-chapter story that I'm working on that focuses a lot on her. Let me know if you think I've got her down?_**

 ** _Also, this is slightly based on the song "Friends Never Say Goodbye" from The Road to El Dorado, because I love that song. :D_**

Riley wheeled Bozer's chair out to the main hallway, where the EMT's were waiting with a gurney. The surged forward as soon as they saw the two of them and whisked the chair away from Riley. She held onto it for a moment, not wanting to let go of her friend, but she finally released it when the EMTs began talking to her gently and convinced her to let go. She felt hollow inside; she had just killed a man. She knew it had been done in self-defense, and that it was either kill or be killed, but that didn't make her feel any better.

She watched as Bozer was rushed down the hallway to the elevator on the gurney, and she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked over to see Mac standing there, and he gave her a gentle smile. "They wouldn't be able to take him down via the elevator if it weren't for you," he reminded her. "You got us back online; we couldn't have stopped this without you," he insisted. The young woman put on a fake smirk and tossed her head a little.

"Yeah, I know," she replied. Her voice was still wobbly though, and Mac heard it. She began to walk away from her friend, but Mac gently grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop, getting in front of her.

"Riley," he said softly. "I know how you're feeling; I know it's eating you up inside," he said. "If you need anyone to talk to, you know you can always come to one of us, right?" he reminded her. She bit her lip to keep it from quivering even more, but she nodded.

"Yeah, 'course I know that," she replied after a minute, and after taking a deep breath. She looked down at her chest, remembering suddenly that she was covered in...in blood. "I, um, need to go wash up," she said, gently sidestepping MacGyver so that she could get away from him. Without another word, she walked down the hallway towards the women's room. She didn't look back; she could feel her friend's eyes on her, but she was grateful that he didn't try to stop her.

She pushed the door to the restroom open and walked in, glad to see that no one was in the room with her. As she walked over to the sink, she pulled off her top shirt, leaving a tank top on underneath, but giving her more access to the blood spattered across her chest. She pulled out as many paper towels from the dispenser as she could and stuck them under the stream of warm water, squirting a bit of soap onto the wet paper towels and rubbing them together so the soap began sudsing.

She wiped at her chest as she looked in the mirror, trying to get as much of the blood off as she could. She had only been going for a few seconds though before a choked sob escaped her throat. She dropped the paper towels in the sink and braced her hands against the counter, leaning into it to give herself some form of stability.

She was shaking, and she tried drawing in a deep breath, but they came out more like gasps, and they weren't deep at all. She began to feel lightheaded, and to stop herself from passing out, she sat down on the floor, leaning up against the outside wall of one of the bathroom stalls. Digging the heels of her hands into her forehead did nothing to distract from the intense feelings that were bubbling up inside of her. She kept replaying the moment over and over in her head, and the more she saw herself struggling over the gun, the more she heard the sound of the gun go off, the harder and harder her breathing became until she was hyperventilating. She brought her knees up close to her chest and placed her head in between her knees. After sitting like that for a few minutes, she began to feel her breathing calm down, and she didn't feel as nauseated as she had before. She thought about making a move to get up, but when even the thought of standing up and seeing herself in the mirror again crossed her mind, she felt sick to her stomach again, so she put that idea to bed rather quickly, and just decided that she was going to sit there for a minute longer.

0-0-0

Mac listened to the distressed sounds he heard coming from the women's room, and it tore at his heart.

 _I know what she's going through. The first time I killed someone, it was the same sort of situation. Okay, granted, no one had taken over the place I was working at and tried to hack the servers and kill everyone who worked there all on the whim of a psychopath, but it had been self defense. No matter how you try to justify it, nothing erases the idea in your mind that you just took a man's life. No amount of justification can make you feel better. The thing that helped me out the most was the support I had from Jack and...well, Thornton. No matter how often I told myself that I had no choice but to kill him, it wasn't until I realized I had the support of those two that I finally began to forgive myself. Even then, it wasn't a one-time thing. I had to wake up every morning knowing what I'd done, and I had to convince myself to forgive myself all over again. But one day, instead of it being the first thing I thought about when I woke up, it was the second, and then the third. It's going to take a while, but I'm going to make sure Riley knows that she doesn't have to go through this alone._

Mac wanted to try and comfort the young woman even more, but he knew that she didn't want to hear anything from him at the moment.

"Mac," he heard Matty say from behind him. He turned to face his boss.

"Matty," he greeted.

"Where's Riley?" she asked. MacGyver felt his respect grow for this woman even more than he thought possible, and he pointed at the restroom door.

"She's pretty rattled," he said, stating the obvious.

"I think I'd be more worried if she wasn't reacting, honestly," Matty admitted. "Thanks," she added as she began to walk towards the door. Mac watched his boss for a minute, then turned away. He would be there for Riley when she needed him, but right now he needed to make sure that a certain biological weapon was taken care of.

0-0-0

Riley had been sitting on the hard floor for what felt like hours, just sitting against the bathroom stall while trying to calm herself down, when she heard the knob turn. The young hacker sat upright immediately and tried pushing her way to her feet, but when it was Matty who walked in, the young hacker slowed down a bit.

"Stay there," Matty said gently. Riley relaxed, once more leaning back against the stall. Matty walked over and stood by the young woman. The boss observed her agent for a moment before motioning with her hands. "Scoot over," she said, though she phrased it more like a request than an order. Riley obliged and scooted, giving Matty a place on the floor to sit on. As the older woman sat down, she looked at Riley.

The hacker had blood spattered on her chest, and she had stripped her top layer off, leaving a simple under tee on. Her hair was slightly more out-of-ponytail than it usually was, and there were red marks on the girl's forehead. Matty assumed that Riley had been keeping her head between her knees, seeing as how that was a common tactic to try and control nausea. The next thing that Matty took in was the girl's eyes. Her makeup had smeared, leaving black smudges on her cheeks, but what really caught Webber's attention was Riley's actual eyes. The brown orbs, usually so full of light and laughter, were dull and distant. Matty thought about saying something, but realized that words, at that moment, weren't going to do anything to help Riley. So she simply sat there next to her young agent, being a silent supporter.

After several more minutes of just sitting in silence, Riley finally moved, pushing herself up with the help of the stall behind her. She approached the sink, and as Matty got to her own feet, she saw Riley pick up some sopping wet paper towels, already stained red from the blood Riley had tried to get off before. Matty went and stood next to the young woman as the hacker once again began to clean herself up.

"I killed someone," Riley said after a minute. Matty looked up in slight surprise as the words came out of Riley's mouth. "Jack makes it seem like it doesn't affect him when it happens, but I don't know how I'm gonna live with myself," she admitted.

"Well first off, you and I both know that something's a little wrong with Jack's head anyway," Matty said, trying to lighten the mood a little. She was glad to see a smile ghost over Riley's lips, and she continued. "As for how you're going to live with yourself, the only thing you can do is take it one day at a time," she explained.

"But how can I do that?" Riley asked, pausing in her cleaning to look at her boss. "How can I live with myself knowing that I am the reason someone doesn't have a son, or a dad, or a husband, or a brother anymore?"

"Listen to me," Matty said, hearing the rising hysteria in the young woman's voice. "I'm not going to lie to you; it's going to be hard. But you know what else I'm not going to lie to you about?" she asked. Riley looked at her, waiting for the answer. "You are one of the strongest people I know," Matty said. Riley scoffed a little. "No, I know what you're thinking," Matty said. "You're thinking that's what people say to others when they're trying to boost their self confidence. While that may be true, you know me," Matty said. "Am I the kind of person who tells someone lies just to make that person feel better?"

Riley thought about it, and she realized that Matty was right. She thought about all the times that she, Jack, Mac, and Bozer had been chewed out by their boss; Matty wasn't one to hold back what her true thoughts were, and Riley looked at her boss again.

"Thought so," Matty said gently. "Riley, you've got one of the strongest personalities I've ever seen. If anyone can get over this, it's you. You won't be able to do it alone, I can guarantee that. But I can also guarantee that you've got an entire team here who doesn't want you to go through this alone, and that includes me. There's nothing wrong with accepting help from friends, and despite what some people think, it's a sign of strength, not weakness. If you need anything, let me know," Matty insisted. The older woman turned to walk out the door, but paused when Riley spoke.

"Thank you," the young woman said quietly. Matty smiled a warm and caring smile at her agent before opening the door and walking out.

As the door shut, Riley once again picked up the paper towels and began to wipe the blood off her chest, and while she still felt queasy, she also felt a little bit better, knowing that she had friends to help her out.

0-0-0

There was a knock on Riley's apartment door, and Riley slowly uncurled herself from her couch to shuffle over and peer through the peephole. She was in baggy sweats and fuzzy socks, topped with a large sweatshirt, even though the weather outside was nice and sunny. She just felt cold, and the large comfy clothes helped her feel more secure somehow. She let out a short chuckle when she saw an eye peering right back at her through the small hole in the door. She turned the knob and opened the door, revealing Jack standing there.

"Hey Ri," he said with a gentle voice Riley only remembered him using when she had been sick or hurt while he was dating her mom. "Mind if I come in?"

Riley held the door open and backed away from the door slightly, gesturing for the older man to come in. "Thanks," he said as he walked past her. Once he was inside, he turned around. Riley was shutting the door, but when she turned to face him, Jack saw tears glistening in her eyes, and she was biting her lip to keep it from trembling. Jack didn't say anything; he simply held his arms open wide. Riley hesitated for a minute, then remembered what Matty had said about it not being considered weak to confide in friends. Even though she and Jack had had a rocky start once she joined the Phoenix, she felt like things had smoothed over between them, and she finally moved in for a small, short hug. Or at least, she only intended for it to be a short.

She tried pulling away after a second or two, but was stuck fast against Jack. "Uh, Jack," Riley said, squirming. "You gonna let me go?"

"No, not yet," came his reply. Riley sat there for another minute awkwardly, but finally she melted back into the hug and buried her face in Jack's shirt. It had been less than eight hours since she had gotten home from the Phoenix Foundation, and she hadn't really given herself a chance to cry yet, but for some reason being cooped up in Jack's arms just gave her the security that she needed to let the tears fall. She knew that he wasn't going to judge her for them, and honestly, he was still the closest thing to a father-figure she'd ever had, and it just felt almost...right to cry into his chest.

Jack murmured soothing comments while the young girl cried, gently rubbing the back of her hair and planting a kiss on the top of her head. Several minutes went by, and finally Riley's sobs subsided slightly and she once again pulled away from Jack's hug. This time he let her move away, and she wiped her nose and eyes on her long baggy sweatshirt.

"Sorry," she said with a sniff.

"Nothin' to be sorry for," Jack said.

"I dunno Jack," she said. "I think I got snot on your shirt," she pointed out. He looked down in mock disgust at the wet marks on his black shirt.

"Okay, that's taking things a bit too far," he said in a joking tone. "I mean, this is a one-of-a-hundred-kind shirt," he added, drawing a short laugh from the young woman as she imagined Jack's closet, filled with black t-shirts identical to the one he was wearing.

Without another word, Riley moved back towards the couch she had been sitting on, Jack following behind her. They sat on either end of the couch, neither of them saying a word.

 _"That's the nice thing about Jack,"_ Riley thought as the two of them sat there. _"He may be pretty pompous and loud sometimes, but when it really comes down to it, he knows when someone needs silence, and when someone needs jokes."_

The two of them sat there in a companionable silence as they watched the view from Riley's window. Jack cast a sideways glance at the young woman, and he was slightly troubled by how dull her eyes still looked. He made a split-second decision and stood up, walking into Riley's kitchen and began rifling through her cupboards.

"Uh, Jack?" Riley asked once again. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to find your cooking ingredients," he replied, still going through her drawers.

"You're looking in the wrong place," she pointed out. Jack looked back at her and she pointed to the cupboard above the sink, where she kept most of her cooking stuff. Jack opened the doors and grabbed a few ingredients.

"So, a few years ago, Mac and I were in Cairo," Jack said as he began preparing a pancake mixture. He used to make pancakes for her all the time while he was dating her mom, she remembered, but that wasn't why she gave him a surprised look.

"I thought you guys promised never to talk about Cairo," she commented, quirking her eyebrow.

"I won't tell if you won't," Jack said, giving the young woman a quick wink. Riley mimed zipping her lips closed, and Jack smiled and continued talking.

"Anyway. We had just found this dirty bomb when Bozer called Mac. Once he answered the call though, I got word that the enemy had found our location and were swarming in on us. Mac, being the genius that he was, activated the bomb when we were cornered, but then we realized that had been their plan all along. So there we were, with a bunch of radicals pointing guns at us, and a dirty bomb counting down much faster than I'm pretty sure was actually possible, and…"

Riley listened to the story, grateful for the slight distraction. She'd never admit this to anyone, but she was glad Jack had come over. Somehow, he was exactly what she had needed at that moment. She listened to the story about Cairo with her full attention, forgetting the events that had taken place that day for a few excellent minutes.

0-0-0

"Knock knock," a voice came quietly from the door. Riley sat up in the uncomfortable hospital chair, seeing Jack standing in the doorway. Riley hadn't realized that she had dozed off, but when she glanced at the clock, she saw that it had been almost an hour since she had last been awake. "How is he?" Jack asked as he walked into the room, staring at the young man on the hospital bed.

"The doctors say they're impressed he's alive," Riley repeated what the doctors had told her earlier. "Apparently there was so much blood lost that he should have been closer to death than he was," she explained. Jack walked over and grabbed the second plastic chair, bringing it over to sit next to Riley.

"How long have you been here?" he asked as he sat down. Riley looked at the date on her phone before answering.

"A little over twenty-seven hours," she replied with a yawn.

"Do you wanna head home?" Jack asked, glancing at her with a slight look of worry. Riley shook her head.

"No, I want to be here when he wakes up," she replied firmly. Jack held up his hands in surrender, knowing better than to fight her on the matter.

"How're you doin'?"

The young woman breathed in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to think of how to respond. "Not as bad as I was, but not as good as I'd like to be," she finally admitted.

"There's no shame in that," Jack reminded her softly. "It's gonna take awhile to get back to a hundred percent," he said.

"I know," Riley replied. She kept staring at Bozer in the bed, wondering when exactly things had gone to crap. Jack watched the young women with a thoughtful look in his eyes, then he stood up.

"I'll be right back," he promised. Riley looked up, a little confused, but she didn't say anything as the older man walked out the door. A few minutes later he came back, carrying a soft-looking blanket in his arms. He walked over to her and held it out. "I figured if you're gonna insist on staying here, you might as well have something a bit warmer than those thin pieces of fabric they call blankets," Jack explained as Riley accepted the blanket. The young woman stared up at Jack with a grateful look in her eyes.

"Thank you, Jack," she said sincerely.

"Anytime," he said with an equal amount of sincerity in his voice. "Listen, I gotta run, but let me know if anything changes with Bozer, or if you just need someone to talk to," he said. Riley nodded her head.

"I will," she promised. Jack nodded in satisfaction before turning and walking out of the hospital room. Riley stared at the soft blanket she now held in her hands, and her eyes suddenly filled with tears once again. This time though, instead of being a hundred percent out of shock about what had happened a few days ago, some of the tears were of gratitude. Gratitude for the love she had been shown, not only since the breach at Phoenix, but at all the friendship and love she had been shown since MacGyver and Jack had shown up eight months ago and gotten her out of prison. She owed her life to them several times over, but she knew that they weren't keeping track of that, because they knew she'd do the exact same for them.

She was able to control her tears better this time, and within a few minutes she had stopped crying. She was exhausted though, and she tucked her legs up underneath her on the plastic chair before draping her new blanket over her body. She used her arm as a pillow and leaned down, and within a few minutes she had drifted in a more peaceful rest than she had had the past few times she had fallen asleep. It was almost like the blanket Jack had given her was oozing with the presence of her friends, and that was the most comforting thing that she could have asked for.

0-0-0

Riley was still sitting on the chair in the hospital room the next day when MacGyver came into the room. He and Jack had been in and out of the room as much as they could, but each time it had only been for a few minutes. This time when the blond walked in, Riley noticed he was carrying an odd-colored vase in his hands. He caught Riley staring at his possession, and he held it up slightly.

"I thought the room could use a bit more decoration," he said. "Besides, Bozer's always been one for classic get-well gestures, and I figured a vase of flowers might cheer him up when he wakes up," he explained. Riley nodded in understanding, and Mac set the vase (which Riley could now see was made out of duct tape, as well as the flowers) down on the counter before taking the seat next to Riley. "Any changes?" he asked.

"Doctors say that his vitals are improving, and they're optimistic that he's gonna be waking up soon," Riley said, more life in her voice than Mac had heard the past few times he had seen the young hacker. Mac dropped his head in relief. He had promised Bozer that he wasn't going to die, but Mac had known that if they had waited much longer, he would have lied to, and lost his best friend.

"Mac," Riley said after a few minutes. He looked at her expectantly. "Thank you," she said.

"For what?"

"You're always here when I need you," she replied. "You all are. I think...I think one of the reasons I've been so freaked out the past few days, besides the obvious, was that I was worried you were all going to disappear on me," she admitted. Mac didn't say anything. He knew Riley needed to get whatever she was feeling out, without any interruptions. "It's just...back when I hacked the NSA the first time and got arrested, I lost most of my old friends. People thought I had gotten lazy or sloppy with my hacking, so even my hacker friends didn't want to have much to do with me. I thought that it was going to happen again after I...um, after I...protected myself," she said, still not able to bring herself to say that she had shot and killed a man in self defense. "I was wrong though," she continued. "I was wrong to think that you guys were going to leave me because of yet another mistake I made."

MacGyver made sure she was finished talking before he replied. "First off, I want you to understand that what you did was just that: it was a mistake," he insisted. "You didn't maliciously pull the trigger, and you didn't go looking for the fight. It was him or you. Second, of course we'll always be here for you," he said, placing his hand on her arm and giving her a warm smile. "We're your friends, Riley," he promised. "Friends never say goodbye."

Riley nodded, her eyes filling up with tears once again. She placed her hand over her eyes and drew in a deep breath through her nose, trying to stop the tears from falling. She regained composure a few minutes later, and looked over at Mac to see that he had politely looked away while she had her small breakdown, staring intently at his best friend lying on the hospital bed. Riley didn't say anything, and Mac didn't either.

After about ten minutes, Mac finally moved. "I have to get back to the Foundation," he said apologetically.

"I'll let you know if there are any changes," Riley promised, knowing Mac would want to know the minute his friend woke up.

"Thank you, Riley," Mac said. She nodded, and Mac turned to walk towards the door. As he reached for the handle, he turned back around with his mouth open.

"Yes, I'll let you know if I need anything," she said before he could even get the phrase out of his mouth. He gave another warm smile before turning the knob and opening the door, pausing as a nurse walked by before he strode out of the room.

Riley sat back in the chair, wrapping Jack's blanket around her even tighter as she watched the blond leave. She couldn't help but wonder how she had gotten so lucky to have found so many people who loved her for who she was, mistakes and all, and she realized that Matty was right. It wasn't going to happen immediately, but with the help of her friends, Riley knew that she could get through this.

It was just a few minutes later that she noticed Bozer's finger begin to twitch, and her heart lifted as he finally opened his eyes. They talked for a few minutes, Bozer commenting on Mac's duct tape flowers and Riley explaining where her new blanket had come from.

"Seriously though," Bozer said after a minute. "You've been here that long?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Riley replied with a small shrug.

"Thank you," Bozer said, and Riley could see in his eyes that it truly meant a lot to him. She nodded.

"Thank you, too," she said. Bozer quirked an eyebrow at her tiredly.

"For what?" he asked.

"Being my friend," Riley said. "You're one of the closest friends I've got, and I was seriously worried that I was gonna lose you," she admitted.

"I'm not that easy to get rid of," Bozer said, trying to sound as proud as he could with how tired he was. Riley smiled, but Bozer noticed it wasn't her usual smile.

"You okay?" he asked, suddenly having a slight flashback to her with blood spattered on her chest. He began struggling to sit up, but Riley put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm okay, I wasn't hurt," she promised. "I'm… I'm not doing the best, but I think I'm going to be okay," she promised. Bozer stared at her skeptically for a moment, and Riley sighed. "I promise I'm fine," she insisted. "It wasn't me who got shot."

Bozer's eyes finally gained a bit of understanding, and thankfully he decided not to press the question Riley knew was burning to be asked. She just didn't think she was to a point she could openly talk about it yet, and she was glad Bozer seemed to realize that.

They talked for a few more minutes, but Bozer's eyes began drifting closed once again. He looked at Riley with a slightly worried look, and she placed her hand over his.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere," she promised. Bozer looked relieved, and with that, his eyes closed and he fell asleep once more.

Riley watched her friend sleep, happy to finally realize that things, while still crazy currently, would eventually get back to normal, or at least as normal as things could be in their lives. They had all gone through quite the ordeal, and they were each going to need the support of each other to get through it, but Riley knew that as long as they stayed close, nothing would be able to keep them from getting the closure they needed.

 _ **Sorry guys, I wasn't sure if I made Riley to weepy in this story? I tried to make it as IC as I possibly could, but I figured what she just went through was a shock, and it's okay to cry. I hope it doesn't bother anyone too much?**_

 _ **Okay. ok ok ok ok. Is anyone else just on a sort of MacGyver high? Because that episode? PHENOMENAL. Also, I was really glad they gave Riley a more realistic reaction to having killed someone, I just thought I'd take it a bit further and add in some details of my own.**_

 _ **But. I loved the finale, even though we didn't get closure with Thornton. But I've got a little somethin' somethin' for that, which shall be posted soon.**_

 _ **But the finale? I was shrieking, I was shaking, I was close to tears, I was live-tweeting... it was intense XD I don't know what else to say about it...I just loved it so much, but I'm so sad that it's over for the summer now X( I just need season two right now... *gross sobbing***_

 _ **Anyways. Let me know what you guys think of my little tag?**_


End file.
